Sunday, December 12, 2010

BRASS IN POCKET

Have you observed the main class of customer declining to use those new-fangled self-service tills at Tesco's Brigg store? Many middle-aged men seem to prefer to queue and pay properly - handing over cash to a real person on the checkout. Conversely, most housewives, including Mrs F, seem to have no problem feeding cash into the contraptions.
Arriving at Tesco a few minutes before they officially opened today, I picked up an armful of Sunday papers and queued with other 40-plus (and like-minded) men at the customer service desk, waiting for the little hand to be on 10 and the big hand tick round to 12 (necessary to comply with our incredibly old-fashioned Sunday trading laws).
As a woman customer was being given customer service with a couple of bulky items and there was only one assistant on the desk, our men's queue was failing to move. Then suddently a helpful assistant arrived from within the depths of the store and politely offered to process "papers only" customers through the use of a nearby self-service aisle. Even a 30p money-off coupon for the Sunday Express and a dog-eared Tesco 'points' card on the back of my keyring failed to cause her any concern. Having pressed all the right buttons and instructed me where to put my £10 note, she went elsewhere to help someone else in need, leaving me to await my change. A crisp fiver popped out first, followed by enough copper coins to cover the base of the dispenser. And there we have it: The reason why machines will always remain machines. For what self-respecting shop assistant in their right mind would give you 17 pence made up of eight twopences and a penny?
Back in the 1970s and 1980s I liked to fill up with petrol at Sass's garage, near The Monument, when they still had a courteous assistant who did the job for you while you waited in the warmth of the kiosk to hand over your cash. No way would she have given you a pocketful of copper coins in your change. Even though it was the era when Chrissie Hynde and the Pretenders were singing about Brass in Pocket.
Last night's drive across Brigg, to and from Glebe Road chip shop, was something of a nightmare. Glebe Road was like a skating rink and Churchill Avenue and York Road no fun in a moderately-sized family car, although, from the tracks worn in the ice, it was obvious 4 x 4s are doing OK along this route. The food was as good as ever, but I wished I hadn't bothered turning out. It just wasn't worth the risk of seeing the car slither sideways into someone else's pride and joy. Especially as my old banger would surely be written off by the insurancemen after the most minor shunt. And it's only this week been given another clean bill of health in the annual MoT. As it happened, car and driver inched their way home safely - me once again cursing the fact that these important routes in Brigg have not been cleared by the council.

3 comments:

  1. Don't generalise, Scribs!
    I've been using them der self-service tills from day one.

    One must put the scanned item down on the surface to the right before scanning the next item.

    Apparently, this surface/shelf is computerised and detects weight and images placed on the surface.

    Individual items without bar codes, ie a single lemon (for me pancakes!) - just look up the alphabetical and pictorial image (it shows a picture of a lemon, if one is uncertain what a lemon looks like)...and then click on 'Quantity'.

    However, I made Tesco aware that on these self-service devices one doesn't get the saving voucher that randomally comes out with the receipt ie '200 extra points if you buy Gilette blades b4 Jan 2nd).
    And one can't get 'money back'.

    I've already starting a compaign and will be having a sit-in at Tesco to get the point home that such weaknesses of the self-service tills is discimanatory against us technologically advanced customers.

    But, I'm not certain, Scoop, if you'll qualify as a protester - although a GCE in woodwork will give exception.

    AND FINALLY - talking about technological innovation.......
    I know that the worse of the snow is over, but for future reference, we could learn from professional drivers when it comes to getting traction on snow.
    HGV and the like drivers will carry sacking, or similar material to place under skidding tyres.
    As car drivers we could also carry some old potato-type hessian sacks (or similarly coarse type material - like an old army blanket cut into strips) in the boot, such we get stuck in/on snow/icy roads.

    No sacks? One trick in an emergency situation is to use the car's floor mats - one has to decide whether to sacrifice mats, ot remain stuck.

    Don't use anti-freeze in the windscreen wash thinking it will stop the liquid freezing - the anti-freeze attacks paintwork.

    Don't use washing-up liquid thinking its a cheaper alternative to windscreen wash - wasking-up liquid contains salt and can cause rusting.

    Spray car locks with WD40 - helps to keep moister out.....but if locks freeze and one is unable to get key in lock - heat key shaft with a ciggy lighter. Also try de-icer.

    Sometimes door surround freeze and refuse to open even if unlocked. Don't assume all doors are frozen solid - try passenger and rear doors.....if one can get the car warmed up the frozen door should free itself.

    Handbrake....in freezing weather, rear brakes can freeze......think about parking leaving the car in gear.....chock the wheels if necessary.

    Put cardboard over the screen - it will act as insualtion and reduce screen frosting/icing over. (paper tends to become damp and will freeze to screen)

    In any sort of conditions, windscreen wipers are very prone in picking up dirt, grease and oil debris - as such, the wipers when operating can leave streaks - clean blades regularly with simple kitchen vinegar on a non-fluffy cloth.

    It the car engine starts to overheat - ie prolonged ticking over in a traffic queue - it could be that the thermostat if faulty.
    However, the engine will immediatLY needs cooling either by increasing air-flow (which is unlikely, if one is stuck in a jam), or the excess heat needs disappating.
    Avoid turing off the engine as this will often also turn off the fan which is trying to cool the engine.
    Instead, turn the car heater fully on with max blower - this should act as heat-exchanger - open windows to keep cool, if necessary.

    Have thermostat checked.

    Here endeth me motoring advice - next weeek: How to replace a solar panel on the Internation Space Station with bubble-gum and Marmite.

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  2. You know you've got this crafty habit of sneaking in cricket in any remote and unrelated topis, Sribs.....here's one for you.
    From what you've written, Nige, I should shop at Tesco more often. It could improve your bowling skills.
    'Brass in Pockets' translates into 'Backspin Store'....and I believe that the management has the nets out in aisles during the early hours for anyone who wants to practise.
    I had a go recently...slipped on a carrot top....and did a beautiful back-spin!

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  3. Sound advice there, Ken, for all drivers to heed. Regarding those automated checkouts at Tesco, don't touch the plastic bags while scanning items. The machine can't cope if you do. "Hands off" is the message. I can't believe these automated checkouts benefit customers; the eventual aim is to save money on staff. However, having seen many of these things operating - not just in Brigg and not just in Tesco - I fear store bosses may have a long wait.

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